Most movie reviews suck, are boring and/or about writers giving themselves blowjobs. All reviewers should die. Who cares about one person’s opinion? If most reviewers could do the craft they were critiquing, they would. Yes, I’ve reviewed movies and CD’s and live music performances before. My problem was that I didn’t want to be too critical. I have gotten better able to critique. People will always find something they don’t like about what you write. On my website, I’ve decided to do a few encapsulated reviews. I’m getting bare bones on you, so you don’t have to wade through all the bullshit.

TWO WEEKS NOTICE: A movie about nothing. Good if you are brain dead or want to jump Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.

CHARLIE’S ANGELS 2: The movie that keeps going and going and going…

LEGALLY BLONDE 2: Don’t know why this was so critically panned. It’s exactly what a sequel should be: light, funny and not trying to be like the first movie. Yes, I do think Luke Wilson should have had more screen time, but, then again, it’s usually women that have the secondary roles and are forgotten about. This movie is about girl power.

21 GRAMS: Dark, dark, depressing, depressing—good acting.

MYSTIC RIVER: A character study. Perhaps Tim Robbins best performance and one of Sean Penn’s best.

SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE: One of Diane Keaton’s best performances, Jack finally stretching himself, though they could’ve made his tears a bit more realistic. A few really funny scenes, but had weird pacing, was too long and too Hollywood heavily-handed.

COLD MOUNTAIN: Good- The first and last kisses between Jude and Nicole. Nicole Kidman and Renee Zellwegger’s scenes. Bad—all that war stuff and Jude Law sans his accent and charisma. The length could have been cut.

*Tomorrow I'll review The Museum of Sex in NYC