[Breakfast: oatmeal and a side of turkey bacon]

You and your best friend write a script together, because why not. How hard could it be? Everyone has one good story to tell, right? Sure you’re approaching 40 and that’s death in Hollywood for unestablished writers, but you aren’t 40 yet (well, you are 44, but everyone subtracts 5 years from their age in Hollywood) Your chances of selling a script have to be as great as any first-time writer. Besides, you read the worst script ever from a member of your screenplay chat room and she got an agent. Your script is way better than hers is, at least that’s what your family and friends say. Well, your brother said it was a bit confusing because of the couple of story lines you threw in to make it arty like Traffic. He thinks that you didn’t resolve those story lines and that the characters don’t make any sense. Your brother’s opinion really doesn’t count, though. He’s only 21. So now you’ve finished your script and you’ve been trying to get an agent, but no one is writing you back. Actually one assistant wrote back that your dialogue was beyond cliché but whatever. Then your best friend suggests that you place an ad in The Hollywood Reporter saying how great your script is. What the hell, it is the best, and you are a hell of a good writer. Now Hollywood needs the memo. Executives and agents must read all those classified ads waiting for an ad just like yours. The ad goes in and you just know that your phone is going to be ringing off the hook. You and your best friend go to the nicest restaurant in your town to celebrate—sure it’s premature, but you know that the script is going to sell. A week later your script has sold for $200,000. Some billionaire thinks your script is the best one that he’s ever read. See, you knew it all along. You live happily ever after.

OK, I did take liberties here, but two women did place an ad in a Hollywood trade publication and sold their script for six figures. I just read the script, and it’s one of the worst scripts that I have ever read.

P.S. I don't suggest that writers name their script after the screenwriter of the produced script that they were inspired by.