[Breakfast: fruit salad]

OK, I haven’t had a great rant in a while. I have to feel very passionate about something or someone. So this, dear readers, is all about the man in my life, DK. And no it’s not about what I don’t like about him or how he annoys me for those of you who would love for DK and I to break up so that I can be miserable…so HAHA!!! I love DK and we will be blissfully happy for now and all eternity. Yeah, I know that’s kind of gaggable, but whatever. The point is that I want for all the gay men out there who think DK is hot to leave him alone – he is not interested in you and your penis. (Also take note hippie chick hostess from England from the lovely restaurant that we brunched at today—if you ignore me, I still exist, but thanks for the amazing seat!) And FYI gay-men-who-hit-on DK, if DK were going to have an affair with a gay man, that man wouldn’t be ugly, fat, or short. Oh, but some gay men who aren’t hot still have narcissistic tendencies. I am specifically referring to the acquaintance of mine that met DK a few months ago.

We all met for a drink and when DK clearly said how beautiful I looked, for some reason you thought that he was talking to you and you said, "Thank you!" and told us all about what you were wearing. Now I thought that you were high or being funny, but DK thought that you were deadly serious. Fast forward to a couple of days ago when you invited me to a party and I brought DK. I figured that perhaps you had genuinely forgotten about meeting DK when you quipped upon our arrival, "Hi Tiffany, you missed the one straight guy who was here earlier." Again, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt because it was your party and you were wasted. However, when you put your hand on my boyfriend’s leg three separate times that night, the last time moving it up towards his crotch right in front of me, I had to finally say something. I couldn’t excuse your behavior any longer. You were being completely disrespectful to me.

Just because DK is British and polite doesn’t mean he’s interested in you – how many times did he have to move his leg away or push your hand off him for you to get the message? It seems that only a fist in the face would have worked, something DK was about to do. At first DK and I were laughing, because how could a very average looking gay man have such a big ego that he’d think that a straight man would be attracted to him.

So you did actually believe that DK was complimenting you when you first met him. You were like five feet away from us and DK was looking right at me…you really are insane. More insane than that was when you tried to French kiss me (something you have never done before) so you could do the same to DK when we were leaving your party – didn’t you fucking get it by then? So bye bye, I will never talk to you again and you’ve really fucked yourself karmically. I thought that you were a friend, but you obviously have no clue what a friend is.