Top Ten Ways Jessica Simpson can Remain Interesting in 2006

1. Announce that your marriage to Nick was just a publicity stunt to boost your career and get an MTV show

2. Do a nude pictorial in Playboy

3. Trash hotel rooms with your new European billionaire boyfriend (preferrably royalty)

4. Become a lesbian (but only for 6 weeks – you know, a girl’s gotta experiment)

5. Accidentally ‘misplace’ a XXX video of you having a threesome with new European billionaire boyfriend and lesbian lover and then release it as a DVD through a shell company.

6. Get more plastic surgery (maybe cheek implants to go with the lips)

7. Date Jared Leto

8. Get arrested for drunk driving

9. Check into a drug rehab clinic

10. Get back with Nick after realizing that despite your marriage being a sham, you really did love him. Stay with Nick for at least three more years, then repeat cycle (except next time round, do a pictorial in Hustler).

Previously:

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