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A Britney Vagina Monologue

Part of: Britney , Gossip , Hollywood , LA , Music , Paris Hilton , Rant , Television
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Saturday Night Live’s Amy Poehler recited her first or maybe second (see above) vagina monologue on the show this past week:

Speaking of Britney Spears, I’d just like to take a minute to address this latest trend: flashing your business while coming and/or leaving a limosine. Ladies, you need to cool it. Nobody wants to see your baby factory…What’s next? Shots of stars pooping out of a window? And lastly, ladies, what’s up with all the deforestation going on down there? You need hair down there! It’s a backup system for underwear! Even when you’re showing it, you’re not really showing it! There was a time when a lady garden was as big as a slice of New York pizza. Then it turned into an upside down John Waters mustache!

I like my vagina monologue better because it's about me, but since we're being forced to see Britney Spears crotch shots on a bi-weekly basis, we need to discuss hers. I don't remember ever seeing her gardened bush before she gave birth. It's news to me that after popping out two babies in a row an entertainer needs to not wear underwear and flash the paps so that we know that she isn't just a babymaker. Maybe it has something to do with Brit getting a divorce. She wants other guys to be 100% sure that she's available. Ew. The worst part about all of these exposed pictures is that poor little Sean Preston and Jayden James will be taunted over them in school or will happen upon them unknowingly. It does seem a tad stupid to be such a high-profile partier and flasher when Brit is battling for sole custody of her children. I'm sure her kids have the best nannies in the world, so maybe it doesn't matter. I have no idea because I'm not a lawyer. I wish that someone respectable would come along and take Britney under their wing. She could use some guidance.

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