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« Happy Pill | Home | Tacky R-Us »

The Beautiful People

Part of: Hollywood

Breakfast: Organic Pumpkin Flax Plus Granola (from Trader Joe's) with oat milk.

I was in a weird mood the other day and wanted to be cheered up. I took the day off and headed to Third Street Promenade. I bought a scone at the farmers' market for my breakfast--it’s fun watching the intermingling of Hollywood types, farmers, hippies, moms and suburbanites.

Usually I’ll see comedies when I’m in a melancholic mood, but I wasn’t feeling necessarily depressed. I wanted to see movies starring pretty people like Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.

First I saw “Secret Window.” Johnny Depp had brassy blonde hair in it. Johnny Depp’s skin was pasty and dull. Johnny Depp’s main costume was a ratty bathrobe. Johnny Depp had braces on his teeth at one point. Yet, I was still happy to be watching Johnny Depp and could see his inner beauty. He’s such an amazing actor. Much of the movie he’s talking to himself. I loved all of his sarcastic lines. I was the only one laughing. John Turturro was great, too.

Before “Taking Lives” I caught all the highlights of “The Laws of Attraction” starring Pierce Bronson and Julianne Moore in the movie’s trailer. I literally know all the major plot points now and don’t need to pay to see it (not that I would). Also, who thinks that it’s realistic that Frances Fisher plays Moore’s mother? She’s only eight-years older than Moore!!! WTF???

As with “Secret Window,” the plot of “Taking Lives” was pretty cliché-- we were hit over the head with each metaphor, but Angelina was gorgeous. Has she ever looked unattractive? Something strange actually happened: I found Ethan Hawke sexy (his character-scary!) and actually bought that he and Angelina were attracted to each other. I didn’t find Olivier Martinez sexy like I did in “Unfaithful.” It was kind of funny seeing him in the classic female mostly-silent-wife role.

The sex scene with Hawke and Jolie was hot except for perpetuating the myth that there doesn’t need to be foreplay before sex. But maybe Jolie’s character was thinking about Hawke’s for hours before hand. I thought that she was looking at the pictures of dead people, but maybe that secretly turned her on. It’s debatable.

After watching these movies, I was in a weirder mood. Note to self: Next time pick a comedic or quality film over beautiful people.

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