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The Apprentice gets Anal

Part of: Television

[Breakfast: French toast]

As usual, Thursday’s "Apprentice" had Donald Trump taking the piss out of the wannabe apprentices in the boardroom. Frankly all the wannabes this year are really boring. Supposedly they were handpicked by Trump. He was expecting higher ratings because of it (though I’ve been told by an insider that he picked a past season show too, and that’s why it was boring). So… what’s a good reality veteran to do when ratings plummet all because of that bitch-in-real-life-but-not-on-her-show Martha Stewart? Seriously, what’s a Trump to do? Talk about sex and homosexuality—duh!!! Who knew that Trump didn’t have good gaydar? The following transcript from last week's episode shows just how brash the Donald can be.

Donald Trump: (to openly gay Clay) "You brought out homosexuality?"

Adam: "He kept on talking about ‘slapping the ass.’ "

DT: "Are you a homosexual, Clay?"

Clay: "I am. Yes, Mr. Trump, I am."

DT: "Did everyone know that you’re gay…"

[Everyone says yes]

DT: "…because I didn’t know it. So, you don’t find Alla very attractive then."

C: "No."

DT: "And you don’t find Felicia attractive."

C: "No, but they’re beautiful women."

DT: "All right. That’s why they have menus in restaurants. Somebody likes steak; somebody else likes spaghetti—that’s why they have menus in restaurants. It’s a great world…"

Now that Trump has tackled homosexuality he decides to pick apart the very anal 22-year-old contestant Adam. Turns out that even though the Donald doesn’t have good gaydar, he can spot a virgin! Damn, Donald has honed those skills like any good hunter, but let’s hope for Melania that he won’t be using them anytime soon.

DT: "Adam let me ask you this question: Have you ever had sex before?"

Adam: "Uh…honestly, sir, I don’t feel comfortable answering that question."

DT: "Because don’t you think that you kind of put yourself in a very bad position? Talking about sex is something that you’re not comfortable with. Listen, Adam isn’t good with sex—he might be in 10 years. Right now you don’t feel comfortable with sex."

A: (proudly) "I agree with you, Sir."

DT: "Someday you will—it’s gotten me into a lot of trouble, Adam. It’s cost me a lot of money. Do you understand that?"

A: "Yes, Sir. I understand."

And all along dear little Adam thought that Donald was being ‘nice’ to him…oh my God, how dumb can you get, kiddo…the Donald was almost cracking up with laughter.

With one of the remaining contestants, Alla, being a former stripper, I can’t wait to see how Donald deals with her. Lapdance, anyone?


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