[Breakfast: a low-fat apple bran muffin]

Bongo Bitchy is clearly trying to drive DK and me crazy. We saw her throwing away (yeah, she doesn’t even recycle!) a key board box last night. So she has added yet another instrument to her menagerie. I’m convinced that she’s one of those Angel of Death serial killers. She’s probably learning to play many instruments so she can serenade her dead victims in various cemeteries. (BB is a nurse at a nearby hospital in case you forgot.)

One day I was so upset and tired (sleep deprived) after being woken up by her for the millionth time that I drove to Barneys and finally splurged on a Balenciaga Motorcycle bag with the gold hardware that I’d been saving up for. (Yes, it was worth the splurge) While I was there, Janice Dickinson was browsing through the Balenciaga bags as well. She seems cheap ‘cause she asked a salesperson if a $3,000 Givenchy bag was going to go on sale anytime soon. The answer was: No, that bag will never go on sale. I mean, I understand asking that question at The Gap because everything goes on sale at some point there. Maybe that was Janice’s way of seeing if she could get a celebrity discount, but Givenchy would probably pay her $3,000 not to buy the bag. Did I mention that Janice doesn’t have an ass? Obnoxious reality stars really need to get over themselves.

Ah, that reminds me of the Canadian E! Entertainment party that DK and I attended. My motto for parties is still the same: Most of them suck, but if the space, music, drinks and food are decent you should at least go for an hour—it’s more amusing than having a drink in a bar. To my knowledge there were no stars at this soiree. But there were those who thought they were stars, namely Giuliana Depandi and Bill Rancic. There was a VIP area that was easy to crash—it was a small ledge above the main floor—really more of a platform-- and behind that there was an even smaller ledge outside. At one point Giuliana and Bill stood in the door frame of the outside VIP area and looked down at the party—like they were a king and queen looking over their subjects. DK and I started laughing so hard that I spilled my Martini on my dress. Odder than that was seeing a double of the comedienne Chelsea Handler. I’ve only watched her show once and it didn’t do much for me, but apparently tons of people love her. Has she really gotten the cliché Hollywood makeover? If so, she must have gone through massive amounts of pain due to lipo and major plastic surgery. She did look a lot younger and not like a late thirtysomething alcoholic. That’s Hollywood for you.