[Breakfast: leftover French Toast]

Part 2 Part 3

A couple of weeks ago on the way to Sushi Roku, my boyfriend and I walked into BOA Steakhouse, a new restaurant from the owners of Sushi Roku, Katana and Balboa (now called BOA, too). We ended up making a reservation. Little did we know how aptly BOA was named: after the snake that kills its prey by suffocation. It was supposed to be a romantic evening – ha! We walked in and realized that the newly opened restaurant was crazy busy with wannabe Hollywood hipsters from Santa Monica and didn't have an ounce of intimacy. But the food would have to be good, right? How could they fuck up steak? They could and did fuck up more than the food.

We waited just short of 20 minutes for our table, which was a bad start. If we had had to wait any longer, we were going to bail for Primitivo in Venice. Thankfully my boyfriend talked to the hostess, got us seated and saved us from getting a bad table. (If you're feeling masochistic and decide to go to BOA, request the banquette by the rarely used Exit door in the back.) My boyfriend and I generally dislike people but love each other so we were happy to sit next to one another on the banquette by the wall. We still weren't able to escape from the couple dining next to us, but I'll explain that shortly. I ordered a tasty Pinot Noir from Napa and my boyfriend requested flat water. They have Voss, which I approve of. (Yes, I am a water snob.)

Boyfriend nudged my shoulder. "Actress," he said referring to our waitress.

That was nothing new in LA, but this chick was trying way too hard. I took a swig of water and was annoyed that it was bubbly.

"I ordered flat water," my boyfriend told the waitress.

"Oh, I'm sorry. When I was punching it in the computer I couldn't remember. I have the worst hearing. Just the other night I thought someone said, ‘are you a wife or ranch hand?’ I figured he meant was I dominant or subservient. He was really asking me if I was a ‘white or red fan’!"

We were in for a long night. Boyfriend turned to me after we had made fun of our server for a few minutes.

"Why does service suck? It used to be good like three years ago. People just assume they’re getting 15% and have become complacent."

"It’s because of all the reality TV shows. The actors have even less hope of making it so they’re apathetic," I said with authority.

I wanted to fast-forward our evening so we could get home already. We opened our menus, and I decided on the petite filet for dinner. Boyfriend and I argued about how big the prospective petite would be. He thought it would be the size of Melania Knauss Trump’s 14-carat engagement ring and I picked a standard paperweight. I won of course. Then we noticed that only the guy sitting next to us was wearing a wedding ring, but his dining companion wasn’t. Boyfriend thought they were business associates. Whatever, they were boring. We ordered the lobster martini for an appetizer. We figured it had to be decent for $19. It came in a baby martini glass. The martini consisted of 3 tiny pieces of lobster and some veggies that tasted like a frozen medley you’d buy at the supermarket.

TBC with tales of spilled drinks and group sex-- for real!

3 Movies Never to Rent:

Cellular- I wish it would've run out of batteries for good.

The Forgotten- enough said!

The Grudge- I have one now.