[Breakfast: a pumpkin and chocolate chip tofu muffin]

I’m glad that I’m sick and can’t make my friend’s Vegas Bachelorette party this weekend. One of her bridesmaids is acting more like a maid of honor and has become a Nazi* pre-wedding event organizer. Monica’s** latest wedding must-do is for all of us to wear hot pink wigs for the entire Vegas weekend so that none of us get lost. The following is the wig e-mail correspondence that I just had to share with you:

Monica: "Is anyone up for all dressing up in Black on Saturday night - but making Lisa wear white and wearing Pink wigs like this one? Or Afros as some suggested- I will let you know the final tally. I am taking a vote... It WOULD be easier to keep track of all of us..."

Jillian: "sounds good to me : )"

Carrie: "I'm totally down - loving the fro..."

Sarah: "I'm down for whatever..."

Jillian: "On second thought, I'd rather spend the combined money for the wigs on a nice bottle of champagne...sound good?"

Sarah: "Umm... I am a little confused. I thought Lisa was the only one that had to wear the wig for the night. I would rather celebrate the big night with some champagne with the extra $ as well. Count me in, Jillian."

Carrie: "I still like the wig idea - I can't tell the difference between good and crappy champagne..."

Sarah: "Isn't Lisa the one that is supposed to get all gussied up - so she can be singled out? Either way, no wig for me thx - the more attention on Lisa during her last night out as a single lady, the better. Anyone else wig-less can share a toast with me to Lisa and her future."

Julie: "I’m down for the toast !!! Sorry no wig for me, but I’ll definitely pitch in for Lisa's. Can’t wait for the fun weekend girls."

Monica: "Okay ladies - I’ve heard ENOUGH!!! It sounds like everyone is up for looking hot, pink and sassy on Saturday night- I will pick up wigs on Friday- they are super cheap- $15 and maybe by buying enough of them I can get a discount? Make sure to wear all black for Saturday night - And Lisa - All white for you!!!! See you girls soon!!!"

Um, right, Monica. Apparently you can’t read. Only one person wants to wear the wig. Maybe you should stop being such a bossy bitch before you alienate all of the bridesmaids—wait, I think you already have.

*If you read my site and take everything that I say literally, I didn’t mean that she’s a real Nazi. She’s actually a member of the KKK.

**I’m not using anyone’s real name—duh!!!