[Breakfast: a chocolate chip cappuccino muffin and an English Breakfast tea]

Dating sucks. All that talk about having fun and getting to know different people is BS. Guys think that women have it better because they can get free meals out of it, but that’s stupid logic. If a guy’s decent looking or a real charmer he can get laid. Only men love serial dating. Sure women can get laid and act like guys, but that eventually gets old. It gets old with guys too, but if they live in LA, that golden age of settling down is 35+.

On a recent night out at a quaint restaurant in Venice, DK and I noticed that the couple sitting to our left was flirting unabashedly. I couldn’t figure out how old the woman was because she was wearing a sweater-set type outfit—very stiff and WASPY for the environment. The guy looked in his 30’s. DK and I guessed that they were a couple or had been dating a while. When they left, we noticed that they had written things on their table. (I love restaurants that have paper over tablecloths and crayons).

I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU HERE

I’M SO HORNY

I WANT TO WHIP YOU AND MAKE YOU BLEED

"Someone’s getting lucky tonight," said DK arching one eyebrow.

"Hmm…maybe," I said.

I was pretty shocked, honestly. The words seemed somehow juvenile—something a teenager would write to try to freak out a waiter that they fancied. The words didn’t match the couple. Maybe I was just thinking too much.

Waiting outside for our car, we spied the couple again. They were sitting on a ledge also waiting. The guy went in for a kiss and the woman turned her cheek…ouch!!

"Obviously, a J-Date," said DK.

"Yeah, why is she sitting so close to him and writing that stuff if she’s not even going to kiss him. Maybe she’s just not into PDA."

"I think it’s a first or second date and that they definitely haven’t slept together," said DK.

Before we had assumed that they had been sleeping together. There was no way that that woman was going to live up to the expectations that she had created with her dirty writing on the table. She was stupid.

They got in their car. The guy’s lips were pursed together and he was concentrating on his driving, while the tease looked out the window plotting her next date with him. She would go home and expect for him to call her in the next few days and he never would.

Previously:

Public Displays of Affliction
Breakfast at Barney's
Pussy Cat Theatrics
Ghetto Picnic