Breakfast: burrata caprese omelette and a mimosa from Broadway Deli

Invisible Presents

Don't tell me about how great my present is and then never give it to me. You people really suck and I can't figure out if A. You never had the present, B. You had it and gave it to someone else, or C. You kept it for yourself.

Candles

Please stop buying them for me. You never buy the brands I like, so this a generic gift--the worst kind.

P.S. Cheap candles suck unless they are white and unscented, but those don’t make good presents.

Boxes

Q. Look around your apartment or house. How many boxes do you have? A. Only ones that were gifts. Enough said.

Food

If you’re poor and can only afford to make baked goods as presents, then that’s okay. Chances are that your friends are poor too and will appreciate the free food. Holidays revolve around food, and Americans are already too fat. Also, if your motive is to make a skinny friend or relative fat, they will give away or throw away the food that you give them. Duh! Note: Harry and David pears are an exception.

Tchochkies

self-explanatory

Pajamas

if your child is over the age of 18, definitely nix this idea. Everyone over 18 should sleep in the nude.

Utilitarian Items

No, I would not like a flashlight, tool set, or pepper spray keychain. Just because you want me to have them, doesn't mean I'll use them.

Blank Books

What are you trying to say with this present? Perhaps that you or the recipient is boring.

Picture Frames

No one wants a picture frame unless it has a picture of them with professional hair and makeup looking 10 years younger. Didn't Oprah do a show on that?

Cheap Bath/Beauty Products

Warning: The recipient will probably act overly excited when opening this gift because they will be so disappointed. Just say no the 99 cent store.

Cheap Sex Toys

I want the Japanese Rabbit not the Jack Rabbit.

Candace writes:

"But if the candle were from the candle queen, would you take it? While unfortunately I'm too poor to be sending Christmas gifts to all the bloggers I love, I have to admit that if I were sending you something it would most likely be a candle. Why? Because the Voluspa line, with infectious candles ranging from $8-24 and matching scents, is my New Absolute Very Favorite Stuff in the World. And everyone who's anyone is getting something from me in Enfleurage (for which both I and my apartment get endless compliments), Mignonette, or Linden Blond Tabac. No, I'm not working for the company or anything, but if you've any aversion to candles this season it must be because you haven't discovered the line, far superior to the overpriced
Diptyque. Also, for cheap but delicious soaps, I hear you haven't lived if you haven't showered with Fresh Cut Soaps from highstreet soap $4 for a small but luxurious gift is a real steal and so not dollar-store! While I would never question your taste in breakfast, Tiffany dear, I have to say that I doubt even you could resist a candle when nose-picked by yours truly. In West Hollywood, you can find Voluspa at Illume. I do believe you'll thank me later. Happy Holidays!"

Tiffany writes:

"Candace, you have good taste, so the former didn't apply to you. Happy Blogadays to you, too!"

Kathy writes:

"This entry cracked me up! My friends and I made a pact this year to supply a Christmas list of 20 items complete with pics and sources to buy to prevent ill-fated regifting! BTW, Little Kitty came out with the cutest mini-vibrator last year, which I bought for all my girlfriends (The Pleasure Chest may still carry them). Everyone one of us put Gianna Rose stuff on our respective lists, so I started carrying them. GREAT candles make great presents, (great being the operative word): you must check out Gianna Rose Pear and Linen scents....ohhhhh. Packaged in glass and its own gift box. My other personal fav is Illume's Vanilla Suede......heaven! Check them out. I'm sure others carry these lines besides my shop."