Breakfast At Tiffany's




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The Parking Nazi

Part of: Rant

[Breakfast: Matcha green tea and rice milk latte]

DK and I like people even less than usual lately. The other day DK was parked on 9th Street in Santa Monica by Coffee Bean and Tea Lea and someone left a sticker on his card that said:

Dear neighbor,

Parking is very limited, so please pull up to the very beginning of the curb to set the standard for others. Even a few inches will make a difference. If we all be [were] more considerate to others, chances are next time there will be enough room for an additional car like yours. This way we all win. Thanks.

Dear Person-with-no-life,

You are not a neighbor of DK’s. DK lives on a much nicer street where people have better things to do with their spare time than to leave stickers on cars. First off, I seriously doubt that you give a shit about your neighbors. Let’s get real, you are pissed off when you can’t find a parking space for your car and that’s when you leave the sticker. Maybe you should live somewhere where you have a parking space. Second off, if you are going to make a sticker, make one telling people not to box other cars in or to park touching other vehicles. My personal favorite is when people use my car as a bumper car while parallel parking. Yes, I know that people do this because I’ve had my bumper painted twice and can see all the marks. Third off, even though I like to think that DK’s Porshe 911 (No, not the cheap Boxster) isn’t better than my Toyota, it is. A car banging into his car causes more damage. You probably don’t care about your car getting bumped, cause if you had a nice car you’d have secure underground parking. Also, DK has one of the smallest cars around. SUV’s are the cause of everything evil, and that’s the real reason there aren’t enough parking spaces. If you have one, then you are truly pathetic, Mr. or Ms. Sticker person. Lastly, you really don’t know other people’s circumstances. DK had just badly sprained his ankle and wasn’t thinking about how he was parking. Thank you and have a nice day.


Greg Dewar writes B.A.T.:

I read your piece re: the anonymous "note" on your boyfriend's car, and it absolutely cracked me up. Now, a funny corrollary - a friend of mine's uncle used to be Chief of Police for a very large Midwestern city (I believe it was detroit) and he used to literally drive around town in his car, and put notes JUST LIKE THAT ONE on cars and sign them with his name and badge #. He wouldn't write tickets because he felt that would be crossing the line.


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